Ever worry about something that never happened or later you found out was impossible. How did that make you feel? Of course, you didn’t know it at the time or you wouldn’t have wasted your time, your energy, or your thoughts. I used to be so good at worrying. I’m working on it, but man oh man, I used to be a world class worrier. If there was a way to worry about something, I would. Now, when I sense my thoughts turn from genuine concern to worrying. I try to focus on Matthew 6:27, “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” If me thinking about something, isn’t going to change anything, then say a prayer and move on. This comes after I almost missed out on one the best experiences of my life, because I was so worried about everything. I was operating out of so much fear and worry that I almost told God “no”, not me, send someone else.
Almost 3 years ago, I was presented with an opportunity to go to Kenya to do a medical mission trip. During this time, my husband and I were also trying for our first child. It felt like everyone around me was pregnant and God had some how forgotten about me. As an aside, walking through infertility and miscarriages is probably the loneliest I have ever felt, so if that is you, please know I am here for you, ready and willing to pray for you. I can say that during this particular season of life, my prayer life grew exponentially as a prayed fervently for my family to grow. Then one day I figured it out, as I knew I was afraid to actually go on this trip, but didn’t know why. I determined that I wasn’t getting pregnant because God wanted me to go on this trip and find a baby to adopt in Kenya. This was not my plan and was not how I wanted to become a mom. Don’t ask me how I figured out God’s plan for family, just know that I knew I had figured it out. God didn’t speak to me, I didn’t have a dream, I just had a thought. What if God wants you to adopt a baby from Kenya? It sounded terrifying and I was afraid. The adoption process was complicated, especially internationally, and while I do eventually want to adopt, not like this. On our mission trip, we were going to care for the workers at several orphanages, so I knew I would get the opportunity to meet a ton of kids. My fear subsided a little, once I convinced my husband to go on the trip too. If we were going to adopt, he needed to meet the kid too. So, still mostly full of fear and worried about having to adopt a little Kenyan baby, we signed up.
Fast forward 5 months, I am sitting in the back of a van in Kenya 15 weeks pregnant. Yep, pregnant during the Zika outbreak and I still had the nerve to go to Kenya. Mama Helen, during one of our many van rides, tells us that it is illegal to adopt from outside of Kenya. Illegal!!! I felt like I had been slapped in the face. International adoption is illegal in Kenya. For months, I was afraid that God was calling me to do something illegal. Mama Helen, an amazing woman of God that operates several orphanages in Kitale, Kenya, was explaining why there were so many kids in the orphanages. Besides HIV/AIDs still taking the lives of many parents, no one outside of Kenya could adopt these kids. I felt so dumb and out of touch. I had ran this scenario over and over through my head, so worried about how it would play out. Now, I am left wondering, how well do I really know God? How good is our relationship, if I was afraid he was calling me to something illegal? I mean, over and over the bible tells us not to fear. Yet, there I was letting fear run rampant through my life and almost blocking me from one of the best experiences of my life. As well as, keeping me from a major shift in my relationship with God.
My husband was there on this trip with me and we were able to take a picture to announce our pregnancy on top of a mountain in Kenya. We were able to meet amazing people and provide medical care for so many. We bought african clothes. We ate african food. We went on a Safari. We went to church in Africa. We were changed forever, and we almost missed it. If you get nothing else from this, please remember that fear is not a tool of God. He does not want us operating out of fear. But, stepping out in faith. I now have an amazing two year old daughter that got a free trip to Kenya. I now push toward anything that want to shy away from due to fear. Fear is a trick of the enemy, used to keep you in check. Is fear something that is paralyzing you? Does it keep you from living your life to the fullest, because you can’t stop the “what ifs?”
What if they don’t like me? What if I fail? What if I lose? What if it doesn’t work ?
HEY!!!!! What if it does work? What if this is the best opportunity and changes your life forever? What if you can become the CEO? What if God has everything under control? Because newsflash, he does. So, how about we shift our focus? Those what ifs aren’t going to change anything, remember Matthews 6:27. Here is what I want you to do. Watch this sermon. It’s Priscilla Shirer preaching an amazing sermon about fear that really changed my approach. She reminds us that fear is a tactic of the enemy and if he is trying to keep you from something then its probably the right choice.
Psalms 56:3-4
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise—
in God I trust and am not afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?
Matthew 6:25- 34 25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Go out and be fearless.
Thanks for sharing. I loved when you said “ If me thinking about something, isn’t going to change anything, then say a prayer and move on.”